ONE DAY, SOCIAL MEDIA WILL CHOOSE ITS OWN USERS

The modern crops of application developers have been kind to humans and it's obvious that the privilege is being taking for grant...





The modern crops of application developers have been kind to humans and it's obvious that the privilege is being taking for granted. You read stuff posted by some social media users and begin to wonder if they haven't traded their active brain cells for gangrenous ones. By a long short, you may find those who have nothing left up there but garbage and compost.

However, I have a premonition, which I hope would manifest in no distant future.

Someday, someone will build a social media app whose user eligibility will be determined by a graded IQ score. The eligibility test will be phased into various sections depending on the intending user's interests. Such sections as marriage, sports, politics, education, sex will perhaps be among them.

For marriage, users will be asked if they think women are to be entirely submissive to their husbands without ever questioning them, they will be asked if the girl child is meant to play second fiddle to the boy child, they will be asked if marriage should be considered as the greatest achievement of any woman. They will be asked questions that would eventually exposed their cancerous patriarchal brain cells and of course, these ones will fail. Subsequently, they'll be denied access to an account; their phone's IP would have been noted by the system thereby making it impossible to take another test with that mobile device. Unless they can afford to purchase a new device each time they fail a test, then rest assured they wouldn’t be bringing their warped mentality to the platform.

There will be levels to this.

For sports, users will be asked whom they think is the greater player between Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo. Instead of just admitting to the greatness of both phenomena, some will go as far as presenting statistics to back their support of one over the other. As a result, they will be blocked from using the app because clearly, they don't have sense. They will be given lifeline questions too. They will be asked which is the most competitive elite football league and some will answer La Liga simply because it witnesses a constant battle between Real and Barca. They will forget that the English Premier League is no man's land. They too, will be blocked from using the app because sense has departed from them. Vermin mentality will not be allowed on the platform.

There will be levels to this.

For politics, they will be asked critical questions too. In this category, users get to choose their nationality so that the questions can be tailored to suit their country's political dynamics. They will answer technical questions in the most foolish manner. They will expose themselves and be permanently denied entry too. For Nigerians, it will be a question of choosing the better party between PDP and APC. Chronic political shortsightedness will make them choose one over the other instead of admitting that both are equally useless. They too, will be blocked because they don't have any sense. Hopefully, their knowledge of the civil war will be tested and a multitude will fail simply because all they think they know about Biafra is a complete lie. And instead of seeking knowledge, they have decided to bandy falsehood as truth. They will be denied access.

There will be levels to this.

For education, this one will be tricky. In fact, it might be the bane of many. Users will be asked short GMAT-like questions in a bid to test their comprehension and sentence construction skills. This will be done in order to ascertain those who constantly misconstrue statements and give illogical meanings to sentences that originally portray logicality. Most importantly, the user's ability to discern satire/sarcasm will be tested too and by Jove, tons of Nigerians stand to be disqualified as a result of this. Finally, wheat will be separated from chaff. Those with good sense of humour will populate the app and the communal cyborgs and zombies will be exterminated from the platform.

There will be levels to this.

For sex, you know this. They will be asked the most intimate questions about sex. The application will seek to differentiate the romantic folks from the ill-mannered Vikings. Hopefully, they will be made to list different sex positions but their buffalo-like mentality won't make them realize there are tons of sex positions out there asides from the drab missionary position. They will be blocked too. Questions on sexuality will be asked and many more will fail, especially the religious. They will be blocked like snot.

There will be levels to this.

Trust Nigerians to denigrate what they can't have. Some will invoke the spirits of their ancestors, unborn children and perhaps their menstrual blood and that of their virginity. There will be mass outrage against the app but the good people will thrive on it. The app will breed a vibrant community of mature individuals while the aggrieved parties are left to wail endlessly. All the latter party will get are screenshots of brilliant conversations had by app users. App users who eventually post crap will be warned thrice before having their accounts permanently terminated. In essence, it will be a platform where users get to think well before posting anything.

There will be levels to this.


                                                                                                            Damzy.

You Might Also Like

0 comments

Nygerian