My brothers,

There's absolutely no point trying to compete with people who wear expensive cologne/perfume everyday. While some might reserve theirs for special events, others simply prefer to spray themselves inside out at any given point in time. But for those of you who discredit the need to smell good due to the inability to purchase the latest Tom Ford, Hugo Boss, Emporio Armani, there's a lot you need to reconsider.

From my end, I can tell you for free that there are several other body sprays (or perfumes) available at your nearest retail stores or supermarkets. And not only do they smell remarkably good on anybody that wears them, they're relatively affordable. For example, you can get any variety of Malizia for less than 1000 naira. Then there's BOD for Men and Lynx that go for less than 2000 naira each. Depending on how well you know how to use these toiletries, each can of body spray/perfume may last you long enough to be able to gather some money to purchase another one. It's not rocket science. Isn't it sickening when you're assaulted by evil body odor on public buses, cinema halls, banking hall queues, and even at places of worship? It costs so little to smell so good. Pity those around you please.

Besides, do you think the beautiful Nigerian ladies you see everyday don't know the trick? You lie! Fear those women, especially the ones that smell exceptionally delicious. We don catch dem. Of course, not all of them can also afford expensive perfumes like us, so they've devised new methods of maximizing their ambitions. They'll empty the content of their 5000 naira perfume into a bowl and commence their evil work of filling it with additional condiments. Some go soak camphor and air freshener, come add water join am. The dangerous ones among dem fit even put love potion join am, like adding salt to taste. You think cleverness is gender-specific? Our women know what they're doing. They now run private perfumeries in their homes.

Now, if you decide to take my advice, you're on your way to superstardom. You'll start smelling good again, random people go begin dey hug you for bus and on top road, all the lost glory shall return. And if the girl that has been putting up with your abominable odor questions the secret behind your sudden great smell, just tell her its Eau de Perfume you are using. If she insists on knowing specifics, tell her it's Eau de Perfume Roger Milla Casablanco, or any spicy name. That name should discourage her from questioning you further. But if any girl insists on seeing the perfume bottle, simply tell her to mind her business. Girl wey dey wish you well no suppose dey try kill you with stress. Do this and you'll be happy.

Some people will see this post and thank me for the tip. The stubborn ones no go still hear word. Dem no go gree buy body spray. Dey there dey smell like locust beans.