CONDUCTOR: Obalendeee! 'Balende 'Balendeeee

PASSENGER 1: conductor abeg enter motor mow dey go. This cold dey worry.

CONDUCTOR: *hops on the bus while calling out for passengers* 'Balende! Oya jade lo (Oya let's go)

**bus starts moving**

PASSENGER 2: These people just like wasting people's time. For what?! 😕

PASSENGER 1: na so so money una sabi.

DRIVER: madam why cold dey catch you this early morning na? You no get husband for house?

PASSENGER 1: Hayyy! I no get oo. Even the small boy wey I dey manage sef, crase don begin worry am. I go soon pursue am comot

CONDUCTOR: Yezzz. Your money there 😒

DRIVER: *looks in the front mirror* Madam you get body lai this and man no dey, me sef no get wife na

**some passengers burst out laughing**

PASSENGER 1: Na wetin you sabi? You no go fit handle me na. No be your type I dey find.

DRIVER: hah! *slaps his head alternately with both hands while jiggling his body* Ema wo woman yii sha (look at this woman sha) Madam, no try me o.

PASSENGER 1: Abeg face front. Na small touch I go touch you for one place now, you go drive all of us enter bush

PASSENGER 3: Driver please concentrate on what you're driving please

PASSENGER 1: *faces passenger 3* See you. Wetin you sabi? You just fine for nothing

PASSENGER 3: Madam please don't insult me

PASSENGER 1: Abeg! Instead make you cool down make I tell something wey you go rub for body wey your boyfriend go begin crase for your matter

PASSENGER 3: **starts smiling**

At that point, I began to feel uncomfortable with the raw-mouthed Passenger 3, a light-skinned middle-aged woman who sat right beside me. I created room between us in hopes that our bodies would cease to come in close contact. I couldn't stomach the thoughts of being touched someplace by a wild woman. Who knows what would happen to me as a result? 😩😩

Then to my dismay...

PASSENGER 3: **looks in my direction** Bros!

ME: **My heart begins to sink into my intestines**

PASSENGER 3: Br...**her phone rings**

Her call lasted long enough to allow me get off the bus before it ended. That was my saving grace.

Right now, I feel sorry for Nigerian men. Is this how these women go around discussing methods they will employ in finishing us innocent men of Nigeria?

Are we not fighting a constant battle against these women?

Who else has been "touched"? 😰😰

-       Damzy