Sometimes when I remember the kind of lies I've told, my heart use to do one kain.

Top of the list of the monumental lies I've ever told was the one I crafted sometime in senior secondary school. We had just completed our term exams and had two weeks of flexing left until vacation. These were the periods when students were allowed to spend the entire day playing in different spots on the school premises.

As for me and my people, all we wanted to do was head outside school to play video games long before closing hours. So we besieged the security guard, who unluckily had to man the gate alone, and asked that the gate be opened to allow us go out. All pleas fell on deaf ears and the man refused to budge. Within few minutes, the number of truants had grown by three or four dozens and while some resorted to scaling fences, others chose to wait for incoming cars just so they would escape through the unmanned side of the cars. Yes, we were that crooked.

The method worked, as the truant population reduced but the guard became more tenacious in his resolve to curb the number of escapees. Then came my turn to escape through the unmanned side of an outgoing delivery van and that was were the devil made a cameo appearance. As I joined other students in running, my shirt caught one of the spiky protrusions on the gate, shredding my school uniform the same way a tailor would rip a rag in two. I'd escaped but there I was, looking like a mad man in tattered clothes. Instantaneously, my mind flashed to my mum and the likely punishment in store for me. And trust me, the least punishment from my mum for such a grave offense was inconceivable. I had to come up with a lie or risk going to jail or something.

After repeated rehearsals with my childhood friend (name withheld), we hurried to my mum's shop somewhere on Lagos Island in order to narrate the delicious lie we'd crafted. In summary, I told my mum I was attacked by a violent destitute and had to rescue myself with a weapon. My friend added maggi and curry to the story and my mum swallowed it like ogbono. Shortly afterwards, she gave us food with huge pieces of meat and "minerals" (soft drink) to step it down. To her, her child had just conquered his enemy and had to be fed with the best but to me, I'd just told one of the greatest lies ever told by a human being.

It's been well over a decade since that historic event but my conscience won't let me rest.
😭😭 If I hadn't told that diabolical lie, I mightn't be here today because my mum would have flogged madness out of my body. 😂😂

My conscience is finally clear now. My soul is at rest.

By the way, I know I'm not the only one who's told a colossal lie. Reveal yourselves you sons and daughters of the world. Confess your sins now and clear your conscience.

Shame the devil