HOW TO BECOME A LAUGHING STOCK

Try as much as possible to stay away from people who publish unsolicited posts about people's misfortunes and subsequently "...




Try as much as possible to stay away from people who publish unsolicited posts about people's misfortunes and subsequently "ask for your honest (public) opinion” in an unspoken bid to mock them.

One day, you will not only become their headline, strangers will also become experts and critically "analyze" what they never would have had a chance to, had you been cautious with your cyber interactions.

Each time I come across a post where some sort of individual hardship is being discussed, I try as much as possible to go through the comments/reactions and see if I share cyber friendship with the most voracious participants on that thread. Though I'm unable to memorize several names at one go, I make mental notes to avoid the few I remember from thereon.

And if I do say so myself, no topic seems to generate more insane buzz on the Nigerian cyber space than a failed marriage or side-chick induced broken relationship. It's as though people eagerly anticipate the end of a conjugal union so they could justify the uselessness of marriage. You would think they could marry animals.

Damn!

I may never understand the euphoria which prompts people to post volatile comments when bad marriages make the headlines, but one thing I've come to realize and perhaps hypothesize is that some Nigerians seem to welcome bad news with uncanny pump and pageantry.

When something bad goes viral, it's almost as if I could see people crawl out of evil covens and hear them say;

"Come out, brothers and sisters. Something bad has finally happened again. Let's fester the conversation and ensure it stays on the front burner for days on end. And if anyone tries to call for peace, let's accuse them of sweeping critical things under the carpet or suppressing innocent voices with mischievous yearns for calm. You know, anything to make sure sorrow envelopes the atmosphere for an extended period."

Sigh.

Perhaps that's me being petty but hey, browse the pages of YabaLeft, Gossip Mill, Instablog9ja and a couple of others to confirm my assertions. Summarily, nothing generates more buzz than a sad tale of emotional inclinations.

Next up is religion. Lool damn! Maddening stuff.

It's ironic to find that a country whose citizens invest enormously in the advancement of religion is the same one where bad news about religion is passionately touted in the media. For example, if a story breaks out about a promiscuous or thieving religious leader, I literally picture people standing their phones on erected phalluses and beaming from ear to ear while reading scathing comments.

"Yes! Destroy that hypocritical motherfucker! Post pictures of his family and church members. Oh yes! Finish him. End him."

The women aren't left out of the jamboree either. Out come the dildos and related masturbation equipment.

Social media is a circus, but you get to decide the role you wish to play.

Performer.

Cheerleader.

Observer.

The choice is yours, but if you care about your peace of mind, tread with caution.

Observe.

-          Damzy.

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